The Biggest Custody Battle Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them)

Custody disputes are among the toughest legal challenges a parent can face. The emotional stakes are enormous, and every decision can affect your child’s future. It’s easy to make mistakes when you’re under this kind of stress, but those missteps can have serious consequences.

At Jackman Law Firm, we know how personal and emotional these cases can be. Since 2014, we’ve helped parents navigate child custody disputes, and we’ve seen the common mistakes that can hurt a case. Let’s look at the biggest custody battle mistakes—and how to avoid them.

1. Not Prioritizing the Child’s Best Interests

This is the biggest mistake a parent can make. Courts in Washington and across the U.S. always focus on what’s best for the child, not what’s most convenient for the parents. Judges look at:

• The child’s emotional and physical well-being
• Stability in schooling and daily life
• The relationship between each parent and the child
• Each parent’s ability to provide a safe, loving home
• The child’s wishes (depending on age and maturity)

How to Avoid This Mistake

Make every decision with your child’s best interests in mind. Instead of arguing about what’s “fair” for you, focus on what will cause the least disruption in your child’s life. Would a 50/50 schedule work best, or would one parent having primary custody provide more stability? Show the court that your focus is on your child’s happiness and well-being.

2. Badmouthing the Other Parent

It’s natural to feel resentment toward an ex, but speaking badly about them—especially in front of your child—can hurt your case. Judges do not look kindly on parents who try to damage the child’s relationship with the other parent.

Why This Is a Problem

• It can be emotionally harmful to your child.
• The judge may see it as an attempt to manipulate the situation.
• It could damage your credibility in court.

What You Can Do Instead

• Keep communication fact-based and neutral.
• Use co-parenting apps to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent.
• If frustration arises, vent to a friend or therapist—not your child.

3. Failing to Document Everything

A lack of records can weaken your case. Courts rely on evidence, and if you don’t keep track of key details, it’s your word against the other parent’s.

What to Document

• Visitation schedules, including missed or late pickups
• Important conversations, especially those involving decisions about your child
• Expenses related to your child’s care
• Medical visits, school events, and other major activities

Best Practices

• Keep a detailed journal.
• Use email or text messages to communicate so there’s a written record.
• Consider a co-parenting app to track schedules and conversations.

4. Violating Court Orders

This is one of the quickest ways to lose credibility in court. If a judge issues a custody or visitation order, you must follow it—even if the other parent doesn’t.

What Happens if You Ignore an Order?

• The other parent can report the violation.
• You could face fines, contempt charges, or even a custody modification.
• The judge may see you as unwilling to cooperate, which can hurt your case.

What to Do If the Other Parent Violates an Order

• Keep records of any violations.
• Talk to your attorney about legal options.
• Never retaliate by violating the order yourself.

5. Using Children as Leverage

Some parents make the mistake of using custody or visitation as a bargaining chip. Courts view this as harmful to the child and as a sign that the parent may not be acting in their child’s best interests.

How to Avoid This Mistake

• Separate custody matters from personal disputes.
• Never threaten to withhold visitation.
• Focus on fostering a strong, loving relationship between your child and both parents.

6. Lack of Cooperation and Communication

Judges want to see that parents can work together. Refusing to cooperate can make you look like the problem in the custody dispute.

How to Improve Communication

• Be respectful, even when you disagree.
• Stick to child-related topics.
• Consider using a mediator or co-parenting counselor if needed.

7. Letting Emotions Drive Decisions

Custody battles are emotional, but making decisions out of anger or resentment can backfire.

Why This Hurts Your Case

• Emotional outbursts can be used against you.
• Decisions should be based on what’s best for your child, not what punishes your ex.
• Courts favor parents who show stability and sound judgment.

How to Stay Level-Headed

• Consult with your attorney before reacting to conflicts.
• Take time to cool down before responding to difficult situations.
• Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

8. Not Staying Involved in Your Child’s Life

Judges favor parents who are actively involved. It won’t look good if you only show up when custody is at stake.

How to Show Consistent Involvement

• Attend school meetings, sports events, and extracurricular activities.
• Be present for medical appointments.
• Keep records of your involvement.
• Show a genuine interest in your child’s daily life.

Protect Your Family’s Future: Contact Jackman Law Firm Today

A custody battle is stressful, but you don’t have to face it alone. At Jackman Law Firm, we’re committed to protecting parents’ rights and making sure children end up in safe, supportive environments.

If you’re in Washington and need legal guidance, we’re here to help. Call us today at 206-558-5555 or visit our Contact Us page to schedule a consultation. Let’s work together to achieve the best possible outcome for your family.